Thursday, 10 October 2013

Why Relationship Counselling?

I had it brought to my attention recently as to when it comes to issues concerning relationships, and how reluctant we are to share with our extended family and friends,   and understandably so. 

For one, we usually don't want to burden family and friends with our issues as this could cause them distress. Or we might feel that neither parties will be supportive, or they will support one partner but not the other, or be too negative, or will want to give advise. Another reason given is that relationship issues are very personal. There is someone else, another human involved, and their right to privacy it too has to be respected, that is unless they give you the authority to share with others.

 I recognize that when we are angry and beside ourselves with stress our head space does not always allow us to think things out in a reasonable manner.  I think in general terms we do, and when we don't, then the likely hood is we will be disappointed in ourselves for not being more considerate, or for letting our emotions run away with us.  For these reasons, and there are many others, It is extremely important to consider a neutral person, and a neutral space; where being heard, for both parties, is not going to be tainted with a bias. 

Counsellors are not there to guide you as to a decision, they are there to assist you explore and examine your situation. To manage the process, so that what ever the outcome is, it is your outcome, your decision. That you have had the opportunity to put all the different ideas, experiences, history of your relationship, the good and the bad, out there to examine and reflect on.

Counsellors can also offer tools to assist couples in all different scenarios.  We live in a fast changing world. Relationships are such, not that the issues are necessarily more complex, just the array of tools that a Councillor needs to have access to, do need to be much broader than they once were.  Once upon a time a couple was defined as being two people who were married.  Counsellors were called Marriage Councellors.  Today we work with 'Relationship' married and unmarried, same sex, de facto, partnerships, blended families, good friends even, partners who are separated but who have children together and need the assistance of Counsellor to work through issues concerning their children.

Relationship in the context of every day living, it is everywhere, what we look at, our environment, what we feel, what we do, what we are at one with... 

This represent a tiny snippet of what needs to go under the heading of 'Why Relationship Counselling'.